Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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