dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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