dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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