sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
did i just pee glitter
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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