hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
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