There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
