last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
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