Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
