Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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