Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize