areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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