I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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