How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Your penis caused this!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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