i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
