Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
