You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
