Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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