Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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