I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
