you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
