I faked an abortion last night.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
