yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
