Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
