I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
