I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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