You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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