put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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