Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
