Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
