I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
