When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
id be glad to
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
