It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize