I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
