I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize