are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
