He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
