what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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