hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
