is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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