So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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