Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
