DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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