Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
