he wants to bone in the snuggie
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
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You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
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Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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