You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
