when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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