My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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