When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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