My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
