Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
