The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize