dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
