Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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