when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
