I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
