I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
