Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
