He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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