Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
