If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
