He told me they were just razor bumps!
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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