I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
