im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
