Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
