I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
