don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
