Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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