What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
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