I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We left an ass print on the piano.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
