so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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