The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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