you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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