the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
