I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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