I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
