I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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