apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
