Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
